"I look at her
I see a girl
I see a story of a girl
I see her smile shines brightly
yet her eyes scream darkness
I see her lips moving
but nothing is coming out
I look at her again
I see my reflection
I see me"
This place allows me to share with many of you, the thoughts that lurk behind this seventeen-year-old mind. Don't allow age to justify intelligence or wisdom. We are all the same. We are all human trying to make in it this world. Though I could make you believe I have super natural powers that allow me to speak the way in which I do. But I don't. I embrace my soul allowing my pain and sorrow to guide me. I am not some girl who swallows up in depression, nor do I crave your ignorant pity. I am an emotional burden. But if you saw me walking down the street, you could imagine me prancing across the field with the sun shinning down on me and birds chirping. So serene don't you think? But what you have seen is the exterior. I hide behind a façade because I don't wish to pull you in to my own self-misery. Would you even be able to fathom my inexplicable soul? I don't believe so, because I myself cannot.
For the past 4 years in highschool, all of reality came rushing my way. I've lived more than some may have their entire lives. Seventeen years and I've composed it into two. Though some could argue, but this is my life, my world, how would you comprehend when you haven't breathed one breath of mine? The year two thousand three is coming an end. Though that doesn't mean everything has to end, does it? It's not the beginning either. Just a different number we all have to write out. Just a number to categorize the past vs. the future. So instead of recollecting memories and setting new resolutions, I will just continue...
I would think, after time has passed, I would be strong, but I am not. There is so much I can do, and so much that I am. You cannot stand in my way and destroy, I hold too much of my own power. I know more than I should. I know it all too well. But to be who I am, to see what I see, to touch what I touch, to hear what I hear, to taste what I taste, you cannot even fathom. The façade that surrounds me holds all the hidden truths inside. What you see is only a protection in which the truth lies within. One day, I might not be here. But my soul will live on...
I seem to be living in a mirror, where the reflection doesn't match. Or is it that you cannot see the person that I have become. My mind and its wonders flourish every part of me. My wisdom has gained me independence. I'm not that little girl you once used to know. Nor was I ever. There's a piece of me that allows me to express in such a way. Yet the words can't release itself from my voice, only to be written down. Perhaps it's because I've never trusted myself. I need to write down the words that I feel and read them over, in order to be self-assured. That is why the words I wish to speak from my soul, my mind, cannot be embraced by my lips. Only to be seen by the eye...
I wake up to a world in place of a wild I call my own. Living in my own world, of which I've called darkness for so long. I'm just like everybody else. I am a girl, with hopes and dreams. I go to school, finding my way through my everyday life. But behind the clothes I wear, behind my smile, behind my outer shell, I am alone, hurt and scared. To know the person I am, there is a deeper level in which you have to search through. Don't let the surface deceive you. Don't get blinded by the real person I am inside. Behind my smile, I softly cry. There is so much I can say and so much I cannot. Shhhhh......
- Music:Disqualification - Jordan Chan